Dec 27, 2012

talking to myself

As the new year rolls around, I've been looking back the things I've gone through this year. Talking about learning English, I don't remember I had any particular goals or plans in mind at the beginning of the year, but I ended up accomplishing not a few projects or getting started some new challenge.

One of the biggest challenge is that I began to work at the very small corner of publishing business, and as of now, there're three titles published in amazon or through other ebook distributes with my pen name as a translator on them. This has not been done without a support from a person with skills and experiences and I was fortunate enough to get to know one person, English speaker, who has an experience in publishing business and is interested in translation/adaptation. We made a good and successful partner. I'm grateful for our encounter in this enormous web world.

Also, another big chance fell upon me unexpectedly in summer and I became an official supporter of some manga group in US. I help them sometimes promote their titles with my English or manage a fan site as a admin. I guess those tasks are something nobody's ever done before, as the members of the group are from different countries and everything has to be managed with exchanging only texts but not face to face communication. I've got to explain and make myself understood all in written English. That's really painstaking and sometimes scary because you have no idea what the people like you're talking to, but I've come to learn so many things from sometimes pleasant and other times heated discussions.

So, I should have been happy now and am fully ready to start a brand new year, right? The thing is I don't feel like having accomplished anything special, not one bit. What posses me in my mind is this wretched pitiful voice; You'm not good at anything. You'd never will be...

I know it's just unreasonable and worthless to whine over what I can't do, but those pathetic voices keeps coming back to me all the time and it's partly because there won't be any easy solution or means to make a big change. If any, I would have taken every measure to get over the problems before whining and ranting.

After about a decade of leaning English and doing tadoku, I seem to hit a huge invisible obstacle that I wouldn't be able to find a way to overcome that easily...

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