It's again my rumbling whining post, so there won't be any useful info for learning English. It might be safe to stay away to save your precious time for fun on weekends.
Now, I'm frustrated. Preciously said, I made myself unnecessarily frustrated, disappointed and be at a loss... I won't tell you what happened or what I did. I can just say that you should never ever compare yourself with others, especially about English competence. I've done what I really shouldn't do the last several days, eve knowing it might end up agonizing myself seriously and could deprive me of the passion to learn English... And it turned out that my assuming was right. I'm so feeling down...BTW, I'm feeling miserable only about English related matters. I'm okay other that that.^^ （あくまで英語がらみのことでガーンとショックを受けたということであって、あとは元気です！今日も文化祭行くし^^）
My biggest doubt now is that if I can improve my English when I have no reasons, friends, nor opportunities to use English in the real life. I have nil necessities to use English, so I always have to encourage myself to create the chances to use English such as this blog writing or online English conversation, and I can do it well when I'm well inspired. Then one day I start to wonder what I really want to do with my English ability. If there is anything good happen after several years from now if I keep doing what I've been doing the last ten years...
I think the best way to keep free from those doubts is to set a clear goal and strive for reaching it. But I'm such a capricious person that I can't set one goal. I tend to do many different thing at the same time and end up leaving everything unfinished. As for writing, I can't tell if I want to be good at writing my own feelings, or I'm trying to be able to write something beyond like short essays.
Different kinds of writing require different kinds of language and style. But it's really difficult to acquire even one language and style, let alone more. I should stick to those writings with easy words and phrases and try not to aim for something way beyond my capability, I guess.
After all, all I can do for now is to read/listen to a lot with a bit of study, write whatever I fell like, whether being short or long the length is, everyday, and make chances to speak English with online conversation. Nothing will be gained from whining. だよなあ～