What I really don't like about myself, but no cure is found for so far, is that I tend to live for the future, and don't cherish the moment I'm actually living in. It seems nothing so difficult to live this moment, right? All you have in your hand is this moment. There is nothing other than that. But I rarely feel I'm fully enjoying the moment I'm in. I hate that. I wanted to change this tendency. But after all I came to realize that I have to acknowledge my characteristics and better to enhance it rather than cursing it.
Then, one thought hit me yesterday. I've been down lately, and that might be because I haven't set any goal and I don't know where I should be heading for. I'm a person who can't live without a particular purpose to live. I feel what I did is worthless unless I feel some kind of satisfaction of having been accomplished something.
These last several years, I have a clear vision that I wanted to struggle with. That was everything related to Tadoku. It's been a while since I started to enjoy Tadoku and I wanted to share its joy with as many people as possible. I have a certificate of teaching English at junior high and high school, so I tried to mingle with English teachers and talked about the future education of English. It was fun so far. But I started to doubt there days if there is anything left for me to learn among the English teachers in Japan.
The circumstances to learn languages have rapidly changed and now we have so many different kinds of means to learn English, However, schools and teachers are so reluctant, or maybe just unaware of, to employ those new approaches and cling blindly to an old fashioned way. It's got no future there.
Oh, well, it has no ending once I start to criticize the English education in Japan, so I'll go back to the main point of today. It seems every common knowledge about English learning works poorly for me and stops me going father into a new dimension. Then the only thing I can do for now is after all "to read more and more." While I was talking about this with Mr. Sakai yesterday, his words really pierced me and made me awake.
"Having read 10 million words are nothing special. If you want to create something in English, then you have to read, first of all, about 30 millions words. Then you can say you deserve to set yourself at the starting point if you want to produce something in English. And if you hope to make something worthwhile, then you've got to read 100 million words. "
Yeah, that's what I need to overcome this staggering situation. I won't accomplish anything to my satisfactory in English unless I've read that amount of English.
Read whatever you have before getting sorry for yourself saying I lack talents. This what I learned yesterday from Mr. Sakai and I'm feeling quite good now having been able to set a clear goal.
I forgot to keep it down the most important thing .., the number of words I've read.
I'll start again from nil and it's 70,000.
(I can't let people know the title of the book I read, though ^^;;;)